SBT Fun
Christmas Stafford Fun
Page Launched: 10 December 2002
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HOLIDAY ETIQUETTE FOR STAFFORDS
Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.
They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.
They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know: Don't pee on the tree - don't drink water in the container that holds the tree. Mind your tail when you are near the tree-if there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open - don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree
Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part: Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans - don't eat off the buffet table - beg for goodies subtly - be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa - don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach.
Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important: Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house - tolerate children - turn on your charm big time.
A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!
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Dear Stafford,
To relieve any boredom you may experience over the Christmas holidays here are some :-
MIND GAMES STAFFORDS CAN PLAY WITH HUMANS
After your humans give you a bath, DON'T LET THEM TOWEL DRY YOU! Instead, run to their bed, jump up and dry yourself off on the sheets. This is especially good if it's right before your humans bedtime.
Act like a convicted criminal. When the humans come home, put your ears back, tail between your legs, chin down and act as if you have done something really bad. Then, watch as the humans frantically search the house for the damage they think you have caused. (Note: This only works when you have done absolutely nothing wrong.)
Let the humans teach you a brand new trick. Learn it perfectly. Then the humans try to demonstrate it to someone else, stare blankly back at the humans. Pretend you have no idea what they're talking about.
Make your humans be patient. When you go outside to go pee, sniff around the entire yard as your humans wait. Act as if the spot you choose to go pee will ultimately decide the fate of the earth.
Draw attention to the human. When out for a walk always pick the busiest, most visible spot to go poop. Take your time and make sure everyone watches. This works particularly well if your humans have forgotten to bring a plastic bag.
When out for a walk, alternate between choking and coughing every time a strange human walks by.
Make your own rules. Don't always bring back the stick when playing fetch with the humans. Make them go and chase it once in a while.
Hide from your humans. When your humans come home, don't greet them at the door. Instead, hide from them, and make them think something terrible has happened to you. (Don't reappear until one of your humans is panic-stricken and close to tears).
When your human calls you to come back in, always take your time. Walk as slowly as possible back to the door.
Wake up twenty minutes before the alarm clock is set to go off and make the humans take you out for your morning pee. As soon as you get back inside, fall asleep. (Humans can rarely fall back asleep after going outside, this will drive them nuts!)
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A Stafford's Christmas promises
Christmas is for humans, and I will not ruin the surprises by opening all their presents.
Christmas light bulbs, Christmas ornaments, Christmas stockings, and tinsel from the Christmas tree are not food.
I am the alpha dog, therefore I do not need to protect my new Christmas rawhide from the omega dog by taking it outside to eat when the wind chill is -10 F.
I will not demolish the Christmas tree and drag the string of lights out into the backyard through the doggy door.
I will not dive into the Christmas tree to get the candy canes (which I will eat -- paper and all).
I will not eat my Christmas doggie treats until after they're out of the stocking!
I will not even THINK about going underneath the Christmas tree and piddling on the dining room rug.
I will not get into a fight with the bigger dog next door, making my human have to call the vet's at Christmas.
I will not get tangled up in the Christmas tree lights and pull the tree down while trying to get at a cat through the conservatory window.
I will not pee on Grandma's Christmas presents that are under her tree as soon as we enter her house.
I will not pee on the Christmas tree.
I will not steal the neighbor's Christmas light bulbs.
The bowl underneath the Christmas tree is not a dog dish. I will not drink from
it. It will make me sick.
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Wrapping presents with dogs
1. Gather presents, boxes, paper, etc. in middle of living room floor.
2. Get tape back from puppy.
3. Remove scissors from older dog's mouth.
4. Open box.
5. Take puppy out of box.
6. Remove tape from older dog's mouth.
7. Take scissors away from puppy.
8. Put present in box.
9. Remove present from puppy's mouth.
10. Put back in box after removing puppy from box.
11. Take scissors from older dog and sit on them.
12. Remove puppy from box and put on lid.
13. Take tape away from older dog.
14. Unroll paper.
15. Take puppy OFF box.
16. Cut paper being careful not to cut puppy's foot or nose that is getting in the way
as he "helps."
17. Let puppy tear remaining paper.
18. Take puppy off box.
19. Wrap paper around box.
20. Remove puppy from box & take wrapping paper from its mouth.
21. Tell older dog to fetch the tape so he will stop stealing it.
22. Take scissors away from puppy.
23. Take tape older dog is holding.
24. Quickly tape one spot before taking scissors from older dog & sitting on them
again.
25. Fend off puppy trying to steal tape & tape another spot.
26. Take bow from older dog.
27. Go get roll of wrapping paper puppy ran off with.
28. Take scissors from older dog who took them when you got up.
29. Give pen to older dog to hold so he stops licking your face.
30. Remove puppy from present & hurriedly slap tape on to hold the paper on.
31. Take now soggy bow from puppy & tape on since the sticky stuff no longer
sticks.
32. Take pen from older dog, address tag & affix while puppy tries to eat pen.
33. Grab present before puppy opens it & put it away.
34. Clean up mess puppy & older dog made playing tug-of-war with remnants of
wrapping paper.
35. Put away rest of wrapping supplies & tell dogs what good helpers they are.
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The Weather Forecast
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.
If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining.
If the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.
If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.
If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.
Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.
Sincerely,
the CAT
Authors unknown
